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Are You Looking For More Energy?

La Jolla, California

Thinking about this idea can fill you with panic, bring you peace or anywhere in between.  What I love about this theory is that it awakens your mind to take inventory of who you are choosing to surround yourself with and how they effect you for better and worse.  As you raise your awareness you will see the opportunities to increase your energy.

EACH and EVERY interaction you have with another person is an exchange of energy.   Your energy and their energy collide into each other like a ball to a paddle in a ping pong match.  There are two types of energy: anabolic and catabolicAnabolic energy is positive and uplifting.  Catabolic energy is negative and draining.  Being aware of your energy, as well as the energy of others, creates endless opportunities.

Your energy is continually shifting throughout each day.  If you are in a great mood and get on the phone with a friend who continually focuses on and complains about all that is wrong, it can be hard to keep your energy elevated.  Afterwards you may feel depleted or even drained.  Being exposed to catabolic energy can really wear on you.  Yet talking with a friend who makes you laugh or helps you to see the situation in a more positive way after you have you receive challenging news that makes you grumpy can quickly raise your energy.  Logically you enhance your energy by spending less time with those who consistently bring catabolic energy into your life and more time with those who commonly bring anabolic energy.

As you think about the top five people you are choosing to interact with, it is helpful to look a complete picture to fully understand the chronic effect they have on your life.  Instead of looking at an isolated incident think about a numerous interactions to see if overall you feel more uplifted or drained after being with someone.  Be aware of the energy you are bringing to the interaction as well, because this a key component.  When you increase your awareness of your energy and others you will begin to see how you can make changes to increase your energy.

There will be people you want to spend more time with and others you may want to interact with less.  Thinking back, I remember when I was faced with a tough choice.   At the time my short term options were:

    • continue to spend my time with friends who provided someone to do things with but were draining to be around
    • gain a lot of free time on my social calendar.

I choose to break away.  Even though it was not easy it was definitely worth it.   After spending a few weekends alone at home I started to find amazing new friends that I laughed with often, had more in common with and could not wait to see.

We all have the ability to create an energizing tribe.  Positive influences make your life brighter and more interesting.  They become your safety net to cushion any falls and help you break through the hard times.  When you succeed they are bursting with excitement and cheering you.  Your energy soars when you create this type of tribe.

Is this what you want?  Then NOW is the time to start taking action.


Are You Ready For a 3 Day Challenge?

For the next  three days I challenge you to tune in and take note of how you FEEL when interacting with others.

    • Do you feel uplifted, inspired or rejuvenated?
    • Or do you feel depleted, drained or exhausted?

Be clear that people, especially the ones you choose to bring into your life, are not suppose to cause you more stress, create drama or have overall negative effect on you.

Is there is a hidden narcissist, critic or dream killer in your midst or a proverbial “Debbie Downer” lurking around?  Gossipers, drama queens and complainers steal your energy too.  Hanging around this type of negative energy enhances the pull to join in to feel a part of group.  Be aware, most of us were brought up to blend in and our own desire to be liked, accepted or feel a part of a group which can tempt us to make unhealthy and unproductive energy choices.

Once you are clear on who is depleting your energy you have the option to change how your interact them.  As they say, people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  Everyone will not be your best friend for life and that is ok.  When you choose to change energy stealing relationships you make space to maintain an energizing tribe.


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Are You Setting Yourself Up For Success?

Be aware… it is possible to keep yourself so busy helping others solve their problems that you successfully avoid facing your own.

Focusing on others instead of yourself is common a type of procrastination; one that brings you happiness because you are doing a good deed.  The short term benefits are obvious but the long term result is that you can remain stagnant and often in unhealthy situations.  Procrastination doesn’t make problems go away.  Delaying or avoiding taking action creates an opportunity for problems to intensify.

Altruism is fabulous and I am by no means suggesting that you stop helping people.  What I am suggesting is that you explore if there are added benefits to keeping yourself busy in this way.  Get really clear on ALL the reasons why you are making your choices.  See if this means you have no time to move forward in your own life.  I suggest you consider what this is costing you and find a healthy balance.

Living in this way is justifiable, just not helpful, to you.  What you are avoiding can be terrifying to face because it means you will be exploring what you may have been sweeping out of your consciousness and pretending would go away.  It may also feel nauseating if you have never attempted this before.  Maybe it is slightly paralyzing to you because you have not been able to conquer a specific issue in the past.  Whatever the reason, you may be avoiding without knowing it or you may be fully aware.  The bottom line is that the known often makes sense, even if it is making you unhappy or causing you pain, and change brings unknowns.  I suggest that you get completely clear on the negative effect of not changing.  What is it costing you today and how will that evolve if you keep avoiding it?  On the flip side what are the long term benefits that are waiting for you if you start to make changes now?

What you may not realize is that by continuing to help solve other peoples’ problems instead of working on your own; you also choosing to help others live their life, in place of living your own.  If you do NOT want to wake up a year from now wondering where the time has gone and still struggling with the same issues I suggest you start to take action.  Pushing your challenges aside can easily lead to months, years or a lifetime of staying in an unhealthy situation.  Stalling is a waste of time and can take a heavy toll on you.  Unfortunately you can’t get time back but you can stop repeating patterns that are not serving you and change the future.

Are you getting in your own way?  What do you want to do about it?

~ Action Ideas and Tips ~

Awareness that this could be going on will help you to recognize when you are doing so.  

When you see it happening start by asking yourself, “What am I avoiding?”

Next start to fill in the reason why.  

When you feel stuck your mind is most likely asking you questions like…

  • Is this the “right” time to make a change?
  • What if I fail?
  • What if change makes my life worse?
  • What if I am right about my worst fear?
  • What is the worst case scenario if I don’t do anything?

To provide a little impetus and inspiration I suggest you ask yourself a few more…

  • Will there ever really be a “right” time?
  • Am I getting in my own way?
  • What if I succeed?
  • What is the best case scenario if I figure this out?
  • What will life be like a year from now if I do nothing?

Remember…you deserve to be happy but you have to believe it, make choices that support you and take action.

~ Something to Think About ~

Whether You Think You Can or Think You Can Not, You Are Correct.~ Author Unknown


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What If the Back To School Excitement Never Had to End?

Every August the back to school buzz is played over loud speakers everywhere. It’s inescapable message signifies a fresh start to an exciting new year of learning for kids.

How does back to school evolve after you graduate and move on to your first job in the “real world”?  As an adult have you ever considered how your life could be different if the back to school buzz became the catalyst to set up your next year of learning?

When you were a kid, learning was valued and the expectations were clear.  You showed up to school, successfully completed the work and then you moved on to the next grade.  Upon completion of traditional schooling, there was no longer a clear growth and development path for you to follow.  All of a sudden it was up to you to proactively find learning opportunities and seek out teachers, mentors and coaches.

Life is full of choices.  Not everyone chooses to proactively become a life long learner.  Many people slip into the quicksand of reactive “baptism by fire” learning, meaning you learn on a need to survive basis.  This learning can be beneficial but it often feels hard and less than exciting.  There are healthier ways to learn and grow.  Without growth you experience stagnation, which can make life feel less than challenging and maybe even boring.  Now is the perfect time to stop wishing life was different and start creating the opportunities you crave.

If you choose personal growth it has to be intentional, meaning it is your responsibility to drive this growth.  Realizing that this growth is up to you can be a powerful shift.  It means you are no longer waiting around for others to direct and choose for you.  I guarantee choosing based on your needs versus others will be powerful and more interesting.  Your journey is unique to you so I encourage you be proactive.  No one else knows you better or will be attached to your mental, physical and financial benefits in the same way.

It is definitely NOT to late to try anything!  If you think you are too old, don’t have time or don’t  know where to start feel free to give me a call.  Start by finding what excites you and/or what you feel will most impact your life and then create your plan and a positive growth environment.

I hope that this year, and for years to come, you will see back to school  as time to ignite your next exciting year of learning.  Below are tips to help explore your pathway.

Action Ideas and Tips:

One of the many benefits of getting older is that we have the opportunity  to create our own curriculum based on: what peaks our interest, what we have been longing to try or what we feel is missing in life.

    • If you desire more peace and less drama you may choose to study mediation or yoga you may take classes at your gym or go on a spiritual retreat.
    • If you want to communicate better with your husband you may take a seminar with Harville Hendrix or read a book on the topic and practice new approaches.
    • If being published is a life long dream, you many start by taking a class at your community college or join a writing critique group.
    • If you want to master French cooking, you may decide to start by creating a MeetUp group or maybe you enroll to study at Le Cordon Bleu.
    • If you are an avid traveller you may want to learn a new language or take research different cultures and countries.

These are just a few ideas but I hope they get your mind flowing with the possibilities for growth and learning.  There are unlimited options and approaches for how you will learn.  It is your choice if you want to start by dipping your foot into the water or jumping off of the high dive.

~ Something to think about ~

What comes to mind you when you think about the following quote?

The most important relationship in the world is the one you have with yourself because everyone and everything is a direct reflection of the quality of that.” ~ Mari Smith


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Feeling Overcommitted & Stressed Out?


On a beautiful Sunday morning a few weeks ago I woke up in a panic thinking about my upcoming schedule of commitments and my very long to-do list.   Once again I found myself overcommitted and my anxiety was building.  Have you been there?

Immediately I could see the red flags.  I was exhausted and overwhelmed with no true down time in sight.  I was unsure of what to do because I feared disappointing others.  In the past, my solution would be a “you can do this” pep talk and then push through.  This choice came with repercussions that typically left me feeling drained to the point where it seemed like I was crashing straight into a wall.  Rushing through everything and happily checking off the proverbial boxes, I sailed through the motions in a zombie like fashion.   Exhausted and unable to connect or engage with what I was doing prevented me from fully enjoying the moment.

This time was different.  I recognized the situation and knew the consequences.  Before I always believed that when I committed to anything, I had to stick with it, no matter what the cost.  Challenging this belief I realize this is not always the case.   It was ok to lighten up on myself and my schedule by setting more realistic expectations.

My next challenge was that I wanted to do most of the items on my schedule, so deciding what to cancel or postpone was not going to be an easy task.  Upon examination, it became clear that very few items on my “to-do list” had to be done as quickly as I originally thought.  Self imposed expectations and deadlines are hard to let go because I, like most people, are either anxious to reach the finish line or fear others will not approve my choices or be upset with me.  These can be powerful drivers with personal consequences.  Choosing what means the most to me and giving a little on my expectations allowed me to start cutting back on things.

As I cancelled plans and explained why, I found that others seemed to understand.   At times people were not overjoyed with my decisions, yet often they were not fazed at all.  In the end, I found relief which allowed me to be connected to my life and my energy level increased, too.  I broke free of survival mode, to enjoy my life again.

You have four weeks left of summer.  What changes do you want to make so you can truly ENJOY them


Action Ideas and Tips:

Next time you feel overcommitted try the steps below to find relief.

Step 1:  Stop & Evaluate the Situation

Ask yourself… 

  • How did I become overcommitted?
  • Is moving forward as planned worth the long term consequences?
  • What really really feels right to me versus what is based on others expectations?
  • What is most important to me?
  • What do me want to be different?

Step 2:  Explore the Reality & Possibilities

Ask yourself… 

  • Even though these are things that I want to get done now, what can be postponed for sanity sake?
  • What am I doing because I fear of disappointing others?
  • In the worst case scenario, if I made adjustments what could happen?  How likely is this?  How would I handle it?

Step 3: Make Choices & Adjustments  

Remember when we talked about Suzy Welch’s decision making tool called 10 10 10, which stands for 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years?  It suggests that when you are faced with tough decisions you consider the outcomes and consequences of your choices beyond the immediate, to see the, mid and long term effects as well.  Stepping out of the moment, where reactive decisions are made, and thinking through this in relation to your values allows you to make hard choices with a lot more clarity.


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Are You Looking For More Energy?

Thinking about this idea can fill you with panic, bring you peace or anywhere in...
article post
thumbnail Manhattan Beach, California article post

Are You Setting Yourself Up For Success?

Be aware… it is possible to keep yourself so busy helping others solve their...
article post
thumbnail The Chicago Bean at Night article post

What If the Back To School Excitement Never Had to End?

Every August the back to school buzz is played over loud speakers everywhere. It’s...
article post
thumbnail Seattle ~ Bainbridge Island article post

Feeling Overcommitted & Stressed Out?

On a beautiful Sunday morning a few weeks ago I woke up in a panic thinking about my...
article post
thumbnail Costa Rica ~ Jaco Sunset article post